Stop. Killing. The. Planet.
As it is that I work at a high fashion magazine, my boss, the Editor-in-Chief, is invited to pretty much any event involving fashion. That being the case, the time is upon us for the release of Usher's new fragrances for men and women. Today my boss received her invitation for what is sure to be a star-studded-face-fest, and after getting my hands on this...thing...I have concluded this: it is not global warming, it is not the oil industries, it is not we non-recycling humans who are destroying he planet. No, it's USHER. OK, well actually it's the fashion industry and their flagrant insistence on spending too much money and too much material on ridiculous invitations and press materials for their bullshit products. And after receiving the invitation to Usher's "evening of elegance, glamour and theater," I can be silent no more.
I went to reception to pick up a bag for Robbie thinking it was just another gift from another designer. I get the bag, note it's shape and weight, and realize that, because no one gifts jewelry, the box in the bag is probably what I think it is. I open the bag and this is what I find:
The circular emblem of text reads "IT IS NOT HOW FAMOUS UR - IT IS WHAT UR FAMOUS FOR."
"Dear God," I think. I open the box. It gets worse:
"Please, please tell me this includes a book, a CD, candy, gold...something," I continue.
Alas, it does not:
"Usher, you stupid stupid pig fucker," I finally bemoan. Inside this leather bound box was an inch-thick, hard plastic, ornately decorated invitation that could easily kill someone if aimed at the head correctly. Not only that, but you will notice it was pretentiously placed in a velvet inlay that required the pull of a satin ribbon to remove....
WHAT. THE. FUCK!
I mean, seriously...tell me you are kidding with this shit! First of all, ur Usher and ur releasing a fragrance; not a new fashion line, not a new store, not anything remotely deserving of such wastefulness as say, I don't know, ur own wedding? No, you make this obscene, trite, regretfully tacky invitation for the launch of a women's and men's scent that will presumably smell like a floral car freshener and a concoction of those ingredients which you consider manly such as pine, vanilla, musk, aviators, fur coats, bling and your own nymphomaniacal sweat. I just need one good reason--besides, of course, that ur the almighty Usher--that it is even remotely necessary to waste so much on something that will be thrown away in a week? It goes without saying that you have to invite a good handful of people because, ya know, ur Usher, but shouldn't that make you a little more reserved with your chosen invitation? In a Hollywood society that has latched onto the idea of "going green" like a fat girl to a corndog, it amazes me that Usher would blatantly present something so improvident.
Usher, however, only serves as another notch on the let's-waste-money-because-it's-fashion post. I can't tell you how many times I've received press material from designers or jewelers about their new lines. In fact I've got a press kit from Pom Pom in my cubicle right now that rivals Usher in wastage. Now I'm all for saving the polar bears and what not, and I don't portent to be the most bio-friendly person on the block, but I will say I am becoming more aware of what needs to be done, and it truly has become offensive what these PR companies and fashion houses will do to promote their shit. We know it's out there. We have computers. We have Style.com and we read fashion magazines. I don't need your 40 pound book ensconced in a plastic case, Gucci.
So, Usher. If it truly is not how famous ur, but what ur famous for, I think we've got you pegged. Lead on, Wasty McWasters, lead on.
Seth
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