without you

I had a plan today for something a little more grandiose, more tributary, more encompassing of how it feels now that my girl, my Lauren, has left New York.

I thought about a poem, but I'm not a poet.

I thought about a short story, but she knows I don't have that kind of time.

I thought about maybe just pictures chronicling the long, remarkable, sometimes sordid but undeniably genuine history that has been Lauren and Seth. But 3x5's couldn't begin to do it any sort of justice.

So, for now, just let it be that I am sad.

There have been a lot of come-and-go, ebb-and-flow moments for me and Lauren -- me going to college, she going to college, me moving to Denver, she moving to London -- so you think I might be used to her ins and her outs in my life. But it's never easy to say goodbye to her; to the person who is, without a doubt, my soul mate.

It feels wrong that she's gone. The city feels wrong without her. In fact I think the city only felt right when she got here, just a short year ago, and only now that she is gone do I realize what exactly my New York life was missing all these years.

I could pontificate for hours, lament for days. But I'll do that privately.

For now, I just want to dedicate our laughter, our crying, my sanity, her gas, our boy issues, our cookies, our love of food, our German accents, our New York accents, our runs on the weekends, our brunches, our naps, our singing, our complaining, our every whimsical notion and romantic indulgence to you, Lauren. It all matters more because it's with you.

You'll be back. We'll be back. Ruling this world we've made for ourselves.

With more love than you'll ever know,
Seth